Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
