This girl is more easily done than said...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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