He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
