I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
