That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
