last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
