I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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