At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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