I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I believe in your delicious
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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