you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
