I puked a lego.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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