I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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