we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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