Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize