OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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