I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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