Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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