i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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