That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
