Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
