in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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