Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
