I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I believe in your delicious
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
