I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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