Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
