When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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