you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
