i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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