Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i will never coherently bang her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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