I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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