if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
