i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize