I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
