I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
