Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
