Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
