that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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