There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
