I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
