hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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