I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
4 words: hood of his car
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
