So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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