I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
