I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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