He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
