I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
