Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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