She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
