She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm bleeding and have questions
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
