I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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