Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
