Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
