a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
