You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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