I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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