so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize