i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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