Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
