I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
