GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
