saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
