I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
