We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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