I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
