I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
