You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize