im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
