Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize