Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
