Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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