Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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