The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
