new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
