Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
