I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
