i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
