If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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