My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want a musical about memes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
