I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
