We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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