just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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