Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
