Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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