the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
