ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
