my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
