her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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