I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
