the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
