one two three fourrrrnication!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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