Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
