I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The Olympian is in my bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize